There are two museums in Amsterdam each devoted to a single painter. One is Rembrant museum and the other is van Gogh. Rembrant musuem is in the very house Rembrant lived and painted in for some part of his life. Towards the end of his life, he was quite short of money and had to sell most of what he had. Sometime in the near past, the house has been purchased by a foundation, naturally named Rembrant foundation, along with most of his work. The house has been renovated and the possible atmosphere that may have prevelant during Rembrants existence, recreated. I will have to go there once again to write about it.

Perhaps one of the tragic figures in the art world is van Gogh. He had terrible life as a result of poor health and lack of money. I find it quite strange that a person who was not 'worth' much during his life, was few year after his death, named a genuis. This could perhaps be one big cartel. It doesnt sound improbable. Imagine, you are one of the respectable art critic. Notice someone talented, stalk him. Buy up his paintings. Better still use a proxy. Wait till he dies so that no more paintings will come out from the talent soul. Then you start pitching in. Start eulogising the poor soul. Dont be too obvious as the conspiracy theory could be unearthened. Start spreading the word, that his works are incredible. And soon, you could laughing all the way to the bank with your cronies. Well this was late 19th century. Words did not travel as fast. Well again, you (not the 'art critic') but you, could say that I have a fertile imagination. I am sure if one starts looking at the economy of the art world, there are certainly many skeletons hidden in the cupboards. Is'nt there a story of the great 'Christies' caught playing a game similar to this? That anyway is besides the point. If some person who has this incredible source of money that gushes out great quantities of it and is unstoppable, naturally not knowing what to do it with it, wants to put up this mixture of chemical substances on canvas that reflect different kinds of light. So be it. Hopefully the van Gogh family atleast got some of this money (I have a strong urge to use the term 'booty'). If anyone other than an artist or someone who I think is capable of giving me an unbiased view of the any other artists, I dont believe them. Certainly not art critics or perhaps not even gallery owners. Hell, who am I? I cannot even purchase art from a student. That too Indian art students. " Shoo. out of the way!!!"

Art world is murky with lot of deceit and perhaps like the diamond industry, is also tainted with blood. Recently some (or perhaps one) painting got stolen from VG museum. Must be hanging on the walls of some drug lord or gun mafioso. You may ask, what is the point of this cyncism? My only lament is that the great painter, van Gogh did not enjoy the fruits of his work. Not even once during his lifetime. I just hope that the world does not met out such treatment to such talented souls. Ever.

Coming back to museum, the Dutch government decided to have a museum constructed to house his works seperately in the 60s. Where were the paintings till then? I have no idea. Perhaps in Rijks Museum, perhaps in private collections of people or institutions or perhaps even in the Queen's basement.

The design of the building is extremly nice. Some where down the line of time, architects just decided they had enough of stupid forms and started coming up building like Bilbau Museum and ING Bank Headquarter in Amsterdam. If you think I am wrong, see what will come up at the WTC site in New York. The architects seem to think, if only that stupid geometry and even stupid structural engineer were bit more accomodating, they could easily design building that defied all form (and function as well). Man, I seem to be in a sour mood this evening. Anyway, the van Gogh museum was designed before the architects went 'creative' and it is a very nice building. An annexe was built by a Japanese Architect as it was funded by a Japanese Insurance company that owned few VGs and wanted to do something in gratitude. This annexure is a bit strange looking but still is nice. If you look at the building from the large museum promanade, the annexe looks like a circular building with a structure that resembles a half opened mouth at the top! I like large buildings to be painted white inside, airy and not too complicated. Perhaps the concept of 'detailing' was also not much in fad then. Thankfully. So, both the main building and the annexe are very nice architecturally.

In front of the building stands a guard with a 'german shepard' on a leash. As if the art thives are sacred of a stupid thing like a dog. There are any number of war and spy stories and movies that show, dogs are as unrealiable as electronics and men when it comes to 'rising to the occasion'. A nice sexy woman ( say, Catherine Zeta Jones) and a piece of drugged meat is all that is needed to get past any sentry and any dog. Wait a minute, what if this sentry is gay? Lets throw in the gay poster boy and wimp, David Bechkam as well. Wimp because he is so rich and famous and cannot stand up to that Victoria female. My jealous self tells me, he deserves her. He sure does! He made millions from Pepsi, even as he kicked the penaty into the top row of the stands in Portugal. Go forth and multiply, Victoria! May more rich guys become your slaves to your ilk! If some wise rich guy turns gay, may you turn into a man! On this warm note, let me get back to the museum.

So there is self important sentry and his dog that move impatiently up and down the road in front of the musuem. On a normal morning, hordes of tourists queue up to purchase the tickets and look at the paintings. This perhaps is the worst time to visit this museum. Considering that I am not a six footer (a more earthly 5'8"), most of the time I cannot see over the crowds' heads. Nor am I a Super man (as I wear my underwear inside) to see through them. Of all the exasperating creatures that stalk musuems, no greater is the one that takes the audio tour. This stupid digital (nowadays) contraption is the most revolting of all things. Atleast the way audio tours are designed now. There are these little red headphone pictures next to important artifacts. Be it paintings, be it an ivory dildos or be it anything. There are these bunch of audio tourists standing around it, then there are other headphone wallas waiting for the ones close to the artifact to move on so that they could move in. If any non audio tour takers wants as much as to try take a glimpse at the important artifact, there are glare almost to indicate this is off boundary for such penny pinchers who cannot afford an audio tour even. Heck this reminds me of the exam guides back home. Important question (IMP). Very important (VIMP) then there is this absolute superlative -- VVIMP. Ignore this question at your own peril. So, it is in a similar fashion, the audio tours are designed. The time limted Americans and Japs have to hop past everything significant object that the musuem as to offer before they move on to a different country. It is to the impatient american who first said, "Cut the crap and take us to the important ones. We dont have all the time in the world", is this contraption dedicated to. So all the important painting are marked with the picture of a tiny red headphone. Some of the serious audio tourists even nod their heads aggreing to the narration. The first time I went to van Gogh three years ago, I was so pissed off that I went to the cafeteria and sat there drinking tea and a bagel (only things i could afford) till I cooled off and following a brilliant idea went and saw all the 'important' paintings in the museum shop. Up yours! you audio tourists!

This aversion to be in the midst of audio tourists put me off VG museum, infact all museums last three months until last friday evening when I was cycling past it. Out on the front was a big banner in large friendly letters, 'The musuem is open till 22:00 hrs on Fridays'. To add to this fortune, there was no queue. The Americans are cooling off on 'magic mushrooms' and other interesting halucinogens. The Japs are back in the hotel rooms, having this surprised look on their face while looking at the days photos with the kid Jap saying something like "Wow, I saw this as well?", and papa Jap giving that paternalistic nod.

So minus the crowd means, the museum ticket counters easily approachable with only few people obstructing the path. In my case, only few sitting on the stairs of the VG museum and a lone bored guard with his german shepard. On a spur of the moment, (a nice spur unlike my normal 'spurs') I purchased a museum pass, which is 33 and entry to each museum in Amsterdam itself costs about 12 . There are 35 of them in this city. This museum pass opens doors to all museum all over Netherlands for a year! Whats wrong with the Dutch? Anyway, a deal is a deal. But then I had to pay an extra 3.50 euro to see the special exhibition of 'Manet and his paintings of the Sea'. The first thing I see on entering the museum was that the audio tour (of both VG as well as Manet's painting) is now being offered at a special price of 1.50! Thank god I did not come at a touristy time.

There was another notice written on a black board, with a small flower at the bottom right hand corner, saying that a special tour in English will be conducted at 19.30 and those interested can gather at the information counter. It seems that this was first such tour in English. The previous week, it was in dutch. So, I quickly went around the museum with very few audio tourists obstructing my path. I even saw the famous Sunflowers painting. The original. VG painted about 5 of them (three with blue back ground and two with green or vice versa). I did not take the audio tour so i dont know these little details. However, he seem to have done this since Paul Gaugain was visting him and VG wanted to put something bright in the room and he couldnt afford actual sunflowers (the last part is my little creative bit). So what if I did not take the audio tour. I can make up my own juicy bits.

By the time I went around all the paintings. I was very thirsty and was looking for a water fountain or something similar to it. Did not find it. Heck, I drank water from the bathrooms on Indian trains in summers. This aint no problem. So I headed right towards the loo. After I drank the water I saw a nice dispenser with plastic cups for those wanting to drink water and cannot afford the Coke in the cafeteria. So what if it is a loo and so what if the taps could be teeming with bacteria, atleast we dont have to put in a water cooler that drips in the corridors. I am sure that must have been the logic behind this. The Dutch! The painting are worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Worth more their weight in gold and they dont want to put up a water cooler. Anyway, I drank water Indian style: cupping my hand and drinking the gurgling cool water. In fact there is no better way to drink water. Just as I did in my school days after drinking water, I flung my hand close to the wall so that the water forms a dotted line. The act was relflextive. I just did it. The white man sharing the loo at the same time was watching me. I gave him a nice smile to indicate something like "we are like this only so dont mind it!" (remember the Channel V ad of "quick gun murugan" years ago? much before the current teens were born). With my thirst being quenched I was ready for the guided tour.

A tall (needless to say) dutch man with unkept hair came up. He was nice and I best liked him when he said standing before one painting: "this is done by a 17th century dutch painter but the you may hear the same from french". He paused and then added, "heck!, the french may even say van Gogh was french". I love it when the french are rubbed the wrong way. I hate that city Paris especially its inhabitants. They refused to take picture of me and my wife. The parisians seem to have it in them ... heck where should I start and where should I end. I should write that some other time. So coming back to the dutch man, he took us around the paintings. Told nice stories about it. You could ask him questions unlike the audio tours. (Man, do you think there will be interactive audio tours in few years time?). Anyway, he said very nice stories about all the paintings, not just imporatnt ones. And then at the end, he said. You still have to see the rest of the paintings so I should stop. It was 9 o clock. The americans then scampered to the stairs and lifts that will take them to the VG paintings. Perhaps to take an audio tour? Just an hour before the museum closes. Run!

I was tired, hungry and smelling. Little did I know that few minutes later I would be stuck in my department for over half an hour with the doors refusing to let me out and I had no security number to call. The doors werent supposed to behave like this untill 11 oclock and it was just 9.30. Such is life!!. Sure the hands of the 'art critics' reach out long distances. Even God seem to taken in with them. No body likes a smart alec. So how did I get out? I have my own ways (remember crocodile dundee? this hero checks his friend's watch, walks in front of the woman, looks at the sky and says, "12.30". She looks at her watch, turns to the side kick and asks "how does he know?", to which the side kick replies "he has his own ways, lady" pauses and says it again a bit slowly "his own ways"). So, I have my own ways.

Anyway those who want to see the site of the musuem. it is www.vangoghmuseum.nl